


Kiss Me Slowly

by AlxSteele



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec is confused and hates thinking, Fluff and Angst, Lydia is awesome, M/M, Magnus is hurt and confused, Malec, Malec first kiss, My take on what's going to happen in 1x12, Not Canon Compliant, What I want to happen in 1x12 but doesn't follow the promos!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-26
Updated: 2016-03-26
Packaged: 2018-05-29 05:18:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6361018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlxSteele/pseuds/AlxSteele
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“My turn,” Magnus said. He crossed the room again, getting right in Alec’s personal space. He stared up into Alec’s eyes, his own darker than ever suddenly, narrow and invasive. “I have a question for you, Alexander.”</p><p>Alec barely stopped himself from gasping as his full name left the warlocks lips. Staring up at him, Magnus slowly started circling him. “What about love?”</p><p>Or: My take/version of the Malec kiss from the upcoming episode 12!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kiss Me Slowly

**Author's Note:**

> Let’s not even pretend this could end up being canon complainant. It’s just an idea I had in my head after the sneak peak at the end of episode 11, before the promos. I just wanted to write a version of the kiss before the show comes on. Obviously, there are some things I added that I'm like 99% sure will never happen in the show (ie: a forsaken invasion)
> 
> Title from the song Kiss Me Slowly by Parachute

Alec didn’t normally have issues falling asleep. By the time he crawled into bed at night after spending the day sparring, demon hunting, and taking care of clave business, both his mind and body were ready to collapse from exhaustion. That’s how he liked it.

Alec didn’t like lying in bed all night, in the dark, with the sounds of the institute alive all around him. He didn’t like how quiet it was, how much time it gave him to just think. Alec didn’t like thinking. It wasn’t the thinking so much as it was the subject matter.

Alec liked thinking about hunting demons. Alec liked thinking about running the clave one day. Alec didn’t like worrying for Izzy and her future. Alec didn’t like thinking about Jace, more so now than ever. Before he didn’t like thinking about Jace because that lead him to thinking about how he felt about Jace, a way he definitely wasn’t supposed to feel about his parabatai, which lead to thinking about why he felt that way about Jace…

He didn’t like thinking about the clave right then either. Because thinking about the clave now meant thinking about his parents and Max, and Lydia. And his impending marriage, and his future. And somehow, he always ended up at the same spot, no matter what he started thinking about. That spot was Magnus Bane.

Someone Alec should definitely not be thinking about. Especially not so close to his wedding. Alec should not think about the slim warlock, or the warlock’s cat eyes, or the way he moved. Watching Magnus move, Alec, with all his shadowhunter grace, couldn’t help but feel like every move he made was awkward. In general, Alec liked watching the warlock move, walk, do anything really, way too much. He shouldn’t think about the way Magnus looked different every time he saw him, using makeup to transform himself in subtle but powerful ways. The eccentric clothes he wore. He definitely shouldn’t be wondering what Magnus’s fascination with glitter was…

And now here Alec was. It was technically morning, 2 a.m. which meant Alec would be getting married the next day. Married to Lydia. A woman. A strong partnership. A smart one. Alec had worked all his life to lead the institute. Sure, this wasn’t how he’d always imagined it, but it’s what needed to happen. For everyone’s best interest.

Still, here Alec was, lying in bed, trying not to think. His room bare and empty and dark. The same room he’d lived his whole life in. Jace used to have the room next to his, and they’d knock secret messages to each other before Maryse had explained that shadowhunters didn’t do that. They were too old, too mature for childish things like that. Alec could no longer remember when or why Jace had moved rooms.

With the thought of his parabatai, and their all too weak and fragile bond, fresh in Alec’s mind, he finally gave up on sleeping. Rising from bed in one smooth motion, he grabbed the shirt he’d discarded earlier that night from the back of his chair, pulling it on over his head. He didn’t bother with shoes as he headed to the training room, needing to work off some energy.

Flipping the lights on, he closed the door behind him. He practically ran to the punching bag and started letting loose without hesitation. His practice came back to him so that every punch was thought out and perfectly executed, even while he didn’t have to think about it. Every time his fist slammed into the bag, he felt just a little better.

Everything was building up inside him — just like Isabelle kept warning — and this was the only way he knew how to let it out. Each punch was one to Jace’s face. For not understanding. Not trying to understand. For giving up his family — their parabatai bond — for the mundane. For always taking Alec for granted. Each punch was aimed for his parents for pushing him and his siblings so hard, telling them it was their job to uphold the Lightwood honor, when they wrecked it so long ago.

He picked up the staff, slamming each end into the punching bag again and again, dancing around it, light on his feet. Each time it connected, it was a jab at Clary for causing all of this. At the clave for trying to strip Izzy of her runes. Izzy was safe, he had to remind himself, but that didn’t stop him from attacking again and again and again.

Dropping the staff, he pulled out his bow. Nocking the first arrow, he slowed down. Allowed himself to breathe, in and out. Focusing in on the target. Then it was rapid fire. Shooting again and again and again. Never missing his target and each shot was for all these…feelings. Each shot reminding him again and again of the new owner of the bow. Each shot for everything Magnus—

Alec stopped suddenly, hands stilling on the bow just before releasing. He had to blink sweat from his burning eyes, forcing himself to focus and turning off the never ending onslaught of thoughts and feelings beating through his head and body with every breath.

“Lydia,” Alec finally managed to say. The shorter shadowhunter stood between Alec and the targets. She wore clothes similar to Alec’s own, loose black pants and a matching shirt.

She raised her eyebrow at him. “Couldn’t sleep?”

Alec shrugged, slinging his quiver off his back and heading over to gather the arrows, leaving the bow and quiver sitting on a table.

“Me neither,” Lydia said, moving beside him and quickly pulling arrows out of the targets. “Nice shots.”

Alec shrugged again. He couldn’t help feeling calm in Lydia’s presence. It was easy. All she expected of him was what he expected of himself. They’d run the clave. Support each other. She never asked questions he couldn’t answer the way Izzy did. She wasn’t stabbing him in the back at every opportunity, like Jace. She wasn’t annoying, like the mundane — Alec didn’t care if Clary was a shadowhunter or not, he still considered her a mundane. And she didn’t make him feel guilty, the way he always felt even just thinking of Magnus.

Alec blinked, not realizing they’d moved across the room. Lydia’s mouth was moving and it took Alec a minute to realize he wasn’t hearing anything she was saying.

“Sorry?”

Lydia shook her head but he thought he saw a small smile curving her mouth. “Do you want to spar?”

Alec’s body was exhausted again and he thought maybe he could finally sleep. But his mind was still awake, forcing thoughts he didn’t want to deal with on him. So he nodded.

It was like a dance, sparring with another shadowhunter. They danced around each other, they came in close, danced away. Alec saw every time Lydia connected with his body, kicking, punching, pushing. Saw every time he fell. Saw his own hits landing. But he wasn’t aware of it really, wasn’t feeling anything. It was all a blur in his mind. But that’s how he liked it. Moving so fast, hitting and getting hit so hard that there wasn’t time to think. There was only his training and his trust in his abilities. This was what Alec had spent his life doing. This was something he could do.

Eventually Alec found himself flat on his back, Lydia’s wooden staff pressing against his windpipe. They were both breathing heavy, and Alec wasn’t sure how much time had passed but slowly the feeling returned to his body and he could feel every bit of the beating Lydia had given him.

Alec tapped the staff, moving to get up but Lydia, leaning down over him, her knees to either side of his stomach, pressed back down on the staff, keeping him in place. Alec came back to himself slowly, arching an eyebrow at her.

Lydia stared down, an intensely concentrated look on her face. Alec quickly grew uncomfortable with how she was just staring at him, like she could read everything he was thinking, which was currently: don’t think about Magnus. Don’t think about Magnus.

“Lydia?”

She shook her head slowly. “You were distracted.” Then she smiled slightly, moving to let him up. “Not that you would’ve won if you weren’t distracted.”

Alec tried to smile, but his expression didn’t change at all.

Lydia seemed to make her mind up, nodding once firmly, more to herself than to Alec. Grabbing his wooden staff, she put them both away, hanging them on the wall. Then she turned back to him, resting her hands on her hips, an open look on her face, like she really thought they were friends and she was about to give him some friendly advice.

“Look, Alec. Whatever’s going on here…with you and whoever else.” Alec stopped breathing. Lydia frowned a little, her eyes dimming with sympathy. “Whatever it is you’re thinking about right this second? Just, do what you need to do. Okay? Whatever that may be.”

Lydia walked away, giving Alec’s arm a small squeeze when she passed him. Alec wasn’t sure he knew how to breathe anymore, a familiar panic racing through his blood, keeping pace with his heart.

“Damn it,” he said. Because, of course, he’d been thinking of Magnus.

***

Alec didn’t know what he was doing. It was late. The guests had started arriving at the institute, and Alec just couldn’t be there anymore. He’d made up his mind. He’d be married by this time the next day. He was okay with it. He really was. Lydia and him…they’d have a good life. A stable life. They’d run the institute. Alec would take care of Izzy and Max. He’d get the future he’d wanted since…forever. He could remember being ten-years-old and Jace coming to live with them and Alec telling Jace, with the proudest tilt to his head, how one day he’d be leading the institute.

So what was he doing there? On Magnus’s doorstep. His mind was full of every word Magnus had ever said to him, but the ones that repeated the most were the last one’s he’d said _. I get her. I like her. But you don’t have to marry her_.

What was he doing here? This could only end badly. For everyone.

_You’ll be lonely all your life, and so will she._

Alec shook his head, disgusted with himself. Magnus was wrong about that. Lydia and him…they’d be fine. It wouldn’t be any different than Alec’s life had always been, but he’d be in control. He’d be protecting his family. Maybe if Magnus just understood, it’d be easier.

_Neither of you deserve it._

No. This was wrong. He’d been standing outside Magnus’s door for at least five minutes.

_And I don’t either._

Just as Alec turned to leave, the door in front of him opened. Alec flinched, his heart skipping. He blinked slowly, squinting through the open door and into the darkened room. No one stood in the doorway.

“Are you just going to stand there all night, Alec?” Magnus’s voice was more familiar than it should’ve been, sending a flash of nerves and regret and something he didn’t have a name for, through him. There was an echoing pang as he noted that Magnus had called him Alec, not Alexander.

“Oh…er. I’m…sorry. I was, I mean I’m just…I’ll go. This was a mistake.” Alec stuttered, lowering his gaze to his beat-up black boots. When he glanced up again, just for a second before turning to leave, he paused. The breath whooshing out of his body without him realizing it. Magnus stood in the doorway, leaning casually against the door, dressed in loose fitting clothing, he didn’t have any jewelry on for once, and barely any makeup. The room was dark so Alec couldn’t make out many details.

Magnus shrugged, as smooth a gesture as any. “You may as well come in now. I already got up and everything.”

Turning, Magnus stalked away from the door. Low lights turned on in his loft as he walked, so that Alec could see that the place had completely changed since he’d last been there. He also noticed the glass in Magnus’s hand, saw every detail as he leaned his head back, swallowing the last of the clear liquid in one go. Magnus crossed back to his drink cart, pouring himself another.

Alec took a few hesitant steps in, remembering the way Magnus had reacted the last time he’d stopped over to ask Magnus to help Izzy. Magnus stayed turned away from him even after he’d poured the drink and started sipping on it.

“Er. Right. Um, I just wanted to thank you, um again. For everything you did for Izzy.”

Magnus whipped around while Alec was still stuttering over his words, making the shaking in Alec’s hands and voice even worse. He shouldn’t have come. This was a bad idea.

Magnus stalked forward, slowly raising one eyebrow. “How are the wedding plans coming? That’s coming up soon, isn’t it? Funny…I don’t think I’ve received my invitation.” Alec could both hear and feel the bitterness in Magnus’s voice and still the warlock stalked closer, gaze narrowed in on Alec.

“Magnus—” Alec started, but Magnus just gave one firm shake of his head, and a short laugh. He stopped with less than a foot between them and turned away again.

“Excuse me, Alec. It’s been a rough few days.” Magnus’s voice completely changed, emotionless and in control.

“Did you need something or…?” He turned around when there was a safe amount of space between them. For the first time he seemed to take in Alec’s disheveled appearance, and his eyes lost some of their steal.

Magnus shook his head, muttering something to himself. When he looked back at Alec there was genuine concern and sympathy in the warlock’s eyes. “Whatever there might have been between us, Alec. If…” the words seemed to pain him but he pushed through. “If you need to talk, go ahead.”

And despite Alec being resolute in not saying anything, everything spilled out. “Everyone thinks I’m making a mistake,” he said softly. “No one will try to understand and…I know I’m doing the right thing, but does that even matter if I lose everyone anyway?”

Magnus seemed to put a lot of thought into his answer, pacing around his loft casually. When he spoke, it was softly. “It’s your life, Alec. Your family… While I have no love of your kind, they are pigheaded idiots who think they’re better than everyone else… Your family won’t just abandon you because they don’t agree with your decisions.’

“You just proved you’d do anything for your sister, you really think Isabelle would hold it against you that you want to marry some girl to protect your family’s… _honor?_ ” The tone was clear on that word, revealing just how Magnus felt about the whole thing.

Alec wasn’t sure if he felt better or worse for all this. He was more confused than ever, but he knew he needed to leave.

“My turn,” Magnus said. He crossed the room again, getting right in Alec’s personal space. He stared up into Alec’s eyes, his own darker than ever suddenly, narrow and invasive. “I have a question for you, Alexander.”

Alec barely stopped himself from gasping as his full name left the warlocks lips. Staring up at him, Magnus slowly started circling him. “What about love?”

Alec let his eyes fell closed for just a second, not because he was focusing on the feeling of Magnus so close to him, and not because of the things his voice and words were doing to him. Just because he needed a break, a time out from life. But Magnus wasn’t done, circling to his other side, he continued. “Your heart beats faster, when they walk by.”

Alec didn’t notice when his hand went up to rest over his heart.

“Your skin tingles, every time they enter a room.”

Okay, Alec’s skin was definitely tingling, but only because Magnus was so close and he was overly aware of him…like he’d be with anyone.

Magnus stopped in front of him and Alec’s eyes opened slowly. Magnus must’ve been raised on his toes because Alec wasn’t towering over him as much as he usually would be. His last words were a whisper, “I _know_ you feel what I feel.”

And then Alec wasn’t thinking. Was just doing. Was taking the half a step forward, closing the distance and pressing his lips to Magnus’s. If the warlock was surprised, he hid it well. The kiss was fast and messy, like Alec couldn’t stop himself if he tried. After a minute, Magnus broke off with a soft laugh.

“Slow down,” he whispered. They both still had their eyes closed and Alec couldn’t think or feel or do anything really. He was too overwhelmed. Too busy being reckless. “Kiss me slowly,” Magnus whispered right before he brought their lips back together.

Alec snapped back into his body all at once, Magnus’s lips brushing his so softly, so carefully, like he might spook at any moment. Magnus’s hand was over his heart now and it was racing so fast Alec wasn’t sure how it hadn’t killed him yet. He pushed closer to the warlock, lost in the feeling of their lips brushing. That’s when Magnus’s words caught up to him. When sense finally broke through and Alec broke away.

“Magnus, no. I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” Alec was frantic. What had he done? He couldn’t do this. He was getting married. And cursed angel, Magnus. Magnus who was stepping back quickly, hiding the flash of hurt with a mask of indifference.

“It was just a kiss,” the warlock said, absolutely no emotion in his voice. Then: “You should go, Alec.”

***

Alec ran most the way back to the institute, he couldn’t breathe and he felt so bad. Pain rushing through his body and not in the usual ways. Not because he’d spent the day sparing with Jace or hunting demons. His heart was barely beating and he kept seeing that flash of pain in Magnus’s eyes. Kept hearing Magnus saying: I know you feel what I feel.

His lips were still tingling, but it was just a reminder of how badly he’d just messed up. How he’d hurt Magnus again. He hadn’t meant to, but he kept doing it again and again and again.

Back at the institute he was too tired to act like a leader, like the person he’d always thought he was. So he hightailed it to his room and flopped down across the bed, fully clothed. Magnus would never forgive him now. They’d never be anything. Alec was just the jackass playing with his feelings. He knew it shouldn’t make him feel this way, sick to his stomach, like he’d been poisoned by a demon. But that’s what it felt like.

Isabelle came in eventually, crawling across the bed to lay next to Alec. “I really wish you’d talk to me, Alec.”

“What’s there to talk about?”

Izzy scoffed, turning on her side and fixing Alec with a glare. “Lydia,” she said. “Magnus.”

Alec looked away. Isabelle sighed, turning back to stare at the blank ceiling. She grabbed his hand, squeezing it. “Please?”

Alec sighed, sitting up and rubbing his hands through his hair. “I have to do it Izzy. Not just have to, I want to. It’s my decision. Lydia…she’s a good person. We can run the institute together. Izzy…this is what I’ve been training for, my whole life. Nothing comes before the institute, the clave. I’m a shadowhunter…it’s all I have.”

Isabelle sat up next to him. “And Magnus?”

The pang in his chest was back again at Isabelle’s soft muttering of the warlock’s name. Alec shook his head. “I messed up. Bad. But…it doesn’t matter. I’ve made my choice.”

Izzy threw her arm around his shoulders. “Okay then. It’s just as well, I already picked out my dress, and let’s just say not everyone’s going to be looking at Lydia tomorrow.”

Alec smiled slightly, tried to laugh with Izzy, but something in him felt broken now. Something he hadn’t known was there before.

When Alec left his room to work in a last sparring session before going to sleep, he passed Jace in the hall. Alec saw him approach, tried to sidestep him, but Jace simply followed behind. Alec didn’t want to talk to Jace again. This wasn’t the time to figure out whatever was going on between them, but he also didn’t like how his parabatai looked so broken. Fragile. He was pale and drawn and something deep in his eyes… Alec only saw a glance of it, but it scared him. Made him scared for Jace.

“Not now,” he said simply, closing the door to the training room before Jace could follow him.

Alec sighed when he turned around to find Clary sitting on the stairs leading up to where the punching bag was.

“What are you doing here?” he asked blankly.

Clary blinked up at him, clearly distracted, not registering who it was right away. “Alec!” she said, jumping to her feet. “I’ve been looking for you.”

Alec rolled his eyes when the mundane stopped in front of him, blocking his way. “It’s just, I wanted to talk to you…about, you know, your wedding.”

Alec sighed again, wishing he’d simply gone to bed. “Why is everyone feeling so chatty tonight?”

Clary had the annoying habit of looking everyone right in the eyes with a mildly intense stare. “Look, Alec. I know I don’t understand everything about your world, but I know everyone just… We care about you. We’ll all respect your decision; we just want you to know we’re here for you.”

Alec was completely shocked for a minute, his mouth falling open. Before giving her a disgusted look. “Did you have a meeting or something about me?” he asked, pushing past her.

Clary forced a small laugh, following literally on his heels. “No. Not really.”

Alec grabbed his wooden staff but turned to find Clary blocking his way again.

“Look, Alec, I know I’m just some…some mundane who marched in and ruined…everything. But, maybe it’s because I’m a mundane that I don’t understand this. You’re barely in your twenties, and you’re going to marry someone you barely know.”

“You’re right,” Alec interrupted, his voice hard where hers had been sympathetic and understanding. He glared down at the short girl before looking straight over her head. “You’re a mundane. You don’t understand.”

“I don’t,” Clary admitted again. “But not everything is so black and white, Alec. And sometimes I think those are the only colors you can see. Trust me, there’s so much more.” Clary stepped closer, forcing Alec to meet her gaze that was as steady as ever. “Sometimes, being happy is more important than doing the “right” thing, Alec. Sometimes…you don’t know what will happen. Not until you try.”

Clary turned and left before Alec had even finished registering what she’d said. He threw the wooden staff across the room, feeling no better when he heard it hit the wall, punching a hole through it. Alec stalked back to his room with no memory of it. Everyone saw him coming and made sure to get out of his way.

Opening his door, he slammed it behind him again, jarring the whole room, before noticing the small boy sitting on his bed.

Max had jumped as Alec rushed in, staring up at his big brother with wide eyes.

Alec sighed, rubbing his eyes, overcome with exhaustion. “Max, buddy. What are you doing here?”

Max and his parents had gotten back to the institute early that morning, coming for the wedding and leaving again right after.

Max grinned, pulling something from his pocket. He showed it to Alec proudly. “I got my stele back without you,” he declared. In all the rush, getting engaged, learning the truth about his parents and then them being sent back to Idris. Jace and Clary and the cup and Izzy. Alec had completely forgotten about his promise to get Max’s stele back for him.

Sitting down next to his brother, Alec threw his arm around the small boy’s shoulders. “I’m sorry, Max.”

The younger boy shrugged off Alec’s arm, looking at him with complete sincerity. “It’s okay, Lydia got it for me.”

Alec frowned playfully as Max flushed slightly. “Oh yeah?”

Max nodded, not meeting Alec’s eyes and Alec laughed. “Shouldn’t you be in bed?”

Max frowned, shifting on the bed. He was already in his pajamas, his hair in disarray, and Alec could clearly see half a dozen smudges on the boy’s glasses. He looked up at Alec pityingly. “Can I sleep in here tonight? Please?”

Alec debated sending him back to his own room as their parents wouldn’t be happy. Maryse had told Max just last year that he was too old to be climbing into his sibling’s beds in the middle of the night. Shadowhunters weren’t scared of the dark. But Alec remembered being scared of the dark, and Maryse reading to him and Isabelle before she decided they were too old for it.

“Sure, Max.” Plus, maybe he’d actually sleep this way.

Max waited until the lights were off. Alec laid on his back above the blankets, the small boy curled up on the other side of the bed, having claimed most the pillows. “Alec?”

Alec kept his eyes closed, controlling his breathing and using that to keep his roaming thoughts under control. “Yeah?”

A few minutes of silent breathing passed and Alec thought Max might have fallen asleep when the boys soft voice came again. “I don’t want you to marry Lydia.”

Alec’s eyes popped open. He was going to kill Isabelle for putting their brother up to this. Alec breathed deeply, releasing the breath before speaking calmly. “Oh? Why not Max?”

Max turned over, burrowing into Alec’s side with a sleepy yawn. “You don’t love her. I do, but you don’t.”

***

Alec’s mind was quiet as he stood completely still, back straight. His eyes, like everyone else’s, followed Lydia as she walked down the aisle. He didn’t feel anything really, wouldn’t let himself. He pretended he hadn’t noticed when Magnus walked in a few minutes before, taking a seat at the back of the room. Pretended not to feel it when his pulse picked up before he’d even turned to see the warlock.

Alec breathed again. He’d spent all night wide awake, using his breathing to control his thoughts and feelings. He hadn’t stopped since waking up that morning.

Everyone was silent as Lydia stopped before him. Even Alec had to admit that she was stunning. Not just the dress and her hair that was swooped up behind her, not just because she was naturally pretty. But she was grinning so widely, like she was actually happy. Like even though they didn’t love each other, she was still excited.

Alec could barely stand to look at her, but there was nowhere else to look.

When the alarms started blaring, all Alec saw was Lydia’s face going pale. All Alec felt was immediate, all-consuming relief. The alarms blared, the lights flashed red, and everyone was moving and Alec’s instincts caught up to him, panic flooding his body.

His every sense heightened as he stared around. It’d been only a minute since the alarms started, all the guests had risen and more shadowhunters were flooding into the room and racing throughout the institute and then…forsaken. Everywhere. Coming through every door, breaking through windows. The sound of glass breaking echoing all around him.

Forsaken swarmed the guests and Alec was seeing things in flashes, his mind too slow for the first time in his life. The shadowhunters were drawing weapons then blood was flying and all Alec could think as the swords glowed to life and blood arced through the air was: he didn't have his bow. And all Alec could think was: Izzy. Max. Jace. His job. He needed to save them. Protect them. Izzy. Max. Jace. A mantra. And always, following quietly behind, another name: Magnus. 

Jace called his name and he turned towards his parabatai, arm extended to grab the sword Jace threw to him. In the same movement, Alec spun around, impaling the forsaken that was sneaking up behind him.

Alec took a second to take everything in, his parents had moved to surround Max. Izzy was back to back with Clary and Lydia a few feet away. Magnus was flinging magic all around. And Jace, fighting his way to Alec's side, because they were parabatai.

The next few minutes were a blur, working with Jace in perfect sync, dispelling the forsaken as fast as possible, but they were hard to kill, and there were so many of them. Alec had never seen more than one or two at once and here were dozens. Every time the shadowhunters seemed to get the upper hand, more and more appeared. How was this happening? Magnus had fixed the wards, how were they getting through?

Alec tried to keep track of everything, his heart still beating out the names of everyone he needed to protect, but he lost them in the haze of dark blood and screams. All he could do was stop thinking, trust his training, and hope the forsaken stopped coming at some point.

The chaos cut off for a moment as Alec and Jace worked together to kill the last one that surrounded them. Alec paused, breathing heavy and looking around. The forsaken were slowing, he allowed himself a breath, watching as all the well-dressed shadowhunters did what they’d been born to do; killing the forsaken, moving fluidly, protecting the young ones.

Alec was about to charge in where a group of older shadowhunters had moved in on a cell of forsaken when his eyes caught on Magnus. Magnus was doing just as well, if not better than, the shadowhunters. Throwing magic every which way and stopping forsaken dead in their tracks. Alec got lost for a moment, watching him. Then his eyes widened.

He jumped forward, sword raised. He felt himself smiling in victory as his sword went through the forsaken that was sneaking up behind Magnus. He didn’t feel the pain right away.

He heard Jace scream his name as everything went dark.

***

Everything was flashes and bursts. Alec couldn’t understand any of it. He felt like the world was spinning all around him, but couldn’t see anything. He heard screams.

He was being carried. Frantic voices surrounded him. He sunk into the warm body cradling his own.

He was set down. People were moving all around him and something hurt. Something was setting his whole body on fire.

Then, a calm voice. “Don’t worry, Alexander. I’ve got you.”

Something sharp and so cold, his blood freezing and set on fire all at once. Everything went dark, but this time, there was a small flicker of light left behind.

***

Alec woke up, but he wasn’t really awake. He could feel the lingering pain in his body but didn’t know where it came from. Where he was. What had happened.

He recognized Izzy’s voice, but couldn’t move, couldn’t call out for her. “Magnus, please, just try. One more time. I know how Alec feels. He doesn’t want to marry Lydia.”

Panic flooded Alec’s mind, setting his thoughts on fire, but he was too groggy to put anything together.

"I think Alec has made himself perfectly clear about his feelings concerning me, Isabelle."

"Alec doesn't know what he's saying. In case you hadn't noticed, my brother isn't really good with feelings." There was a slight pause in which Alec found himself wishing he could slip off to sleep again, the pain in his abdomen increasing. "When did you stop calling him Alexander?"

Alec slipped off to sleep with a sigh then. When he woke up again he was a little more aware, but still couldn’t move or open his eyes. A soft, warm hand cradled his calloused one. A voice talked softly near his ear, tickling him as the breath made his hair move.

"Stupid Shadowhunter, with your honor and your idiotic clave. Why am I still here?"

***

When Alec woke up for real, he remembered everything. Remembered the Forsaken sinking it’s claws into his stomach and tearing. Falling to the ground and hitting his head. Jace screaming. Chaos. Someone carrying him — Magnus? Then Magnus…Magnus healed him. Saved him. Magnus was there every time he’d woken up, he realized. He kept his eyes closed, working through his thoughts on his own before he’d be forced to face everyone else.

And those thoughts were suddenly crystal clear. His first thought when the alarms went off wasn’t for his family, wasn’t to do his duty. It was relief because he didn’t have to marry Lydia. The person who saved him, sat by him for however many hours he’d been out, wasn’t Lydia or even Izzy, it was Magnus.

Everything was clear now and Alec knew that he’d been about to make the biggest mistake of his life. He wanted to lead the clave and save his family, more than anything. But he’d been treating this like some casual thing, like some day in the future everything would work itself out. But…marrying Lydia? That’d be forever. He’d lose Magnus. Everything would change. He’d sacrifice everything to be miserable in the clave the rest of his life… Right then, he couldn’t even remember why it was so important to lead the institute, plenty of shadowhunters weren’t institute leaders.

“I know you’re awake, Alec. You may as well open your eyes.” Magnus’s voice was soft and exhausted.

Alec blinked his eyes open, sitting up slowly. Magnus, sitting in the chair next to his bed, clothes and hair disheveled, makeup smeared under his eyes, looked like he was about to protest, but gave up halfway through.

“How long have you been here?” Alec asked, holding his side and wincing as pain still echoed through it.

Magnus shrugged, getting to his feet and presenting Alec with a cup filled with a strange blue liquid. “Drink it,” Magnus ordered when Alec raised an eyebrow. “The attack was yesterday afternoon, it’s now the middle of the night again.”

Magnus moved around the large infirmary quickly. Grabbing a bowl, he started throwing random things in it, things that were spread across a table on the other side of the room. Lastly, he used a little magic and snapped his fingers. He poured the mixture into another cup and handed that too to Alec.

Wiping his hands as Alec swallowed the foul chunky liquid, Magnus looked away again. He forced a cheerful tone, “Well, that should do it. My work here is done, Alec. Tell Lydia this one was free, but please leave me alone for a while. I really do have other things to be attending too.”

Wait, what? Alec thought, mind still moving slow, everything covered in a haze of fog. But then Magnus was moving across the room again, grabbing his dark jacket from where he’d left it sitting at the end of another bed. Alec could clearly see the blood stains on it and, looking down at his own light shirt, realized it was Alec’s blood.

“Wait!” Alec called out. He was already feeling lightheaded, every bone in his body weak, every inch of him in some form of pain. But, he stumbled to his feet.

“Stupid shadowhunter,” Magnus mumbled, leaping forward as Alec lost his balance, knees going weak. Magnus caught him under the arms just before he could fall. “You need to rest, Alec. Back in bed.”

Alec froze at the name. Magnus pushed at him, impatient but lightly, not wanting to hurt him.

Alec was never good with words, and he wasn’t sure what to say, but he was desperate to get whatever it was out, to stop Magnus from leaving. “Stop,” Alec finally mumbled.

Magnus froze, taking the word wrong and stepping back slowly, away from Alec. “Stop what?” he said, exasperated.

“Stop,” Alec repeated, stepping closer with a minimum amount of stumbling. “Calling me Alec.”

Magnus’s eyes went wide, but not in shock. Alec could tell it was a calculated movement. "Why in the world would I do that _Alec_? Alec is your name is it not, _Alec_?"

Magnus practically glared as Alec tried to find the words to say. All he could do was shake his head, opening and closing his mouth. A feeling built in his chest, waiting to explode, but he couldn't find the words. He couldn't find any words. He never could.

They were both standing closer than either had realized, staring deep into each other’s eyes. Finally, Alec managed to say something. “It wasn’t just a kiss.” It wasn’t quite what he’d planned, but it had the right affect.

Magnus’s eyes went wide in mock shock then real shock. He stared at Alec for an endless minute, contemplating something. Then, slowly – everything was moving so slowly, the world stopped for a moment to let them be alone in this one – Magnus raised himself to his toes, leaning closer to Alec, whose breath had caught in his throat.

As he stared into Magnus’s eyes, waiting for him to kiss him, it felt like they’d never done it before. Something completely new, even though Alec could still feel the last kiss burning his lips.

Magnus’s eyes stayed open but with the first tentative brush of their lips, Alec’s closed. He didn’t react, couldn’t move. His skin tingled. His heart raced. Yes, yes, yes, it seemed to say. I do feel what you feel.

Just like that though, Magnus was pulling back. Alec’s eyes flew open as the warlock slowly lowered back to his feet. Everything stopped, they stared, breathing hard, sharing air. Then Alec leaned down, moving just as slowly as Magnus had, wanting to draw the moment out.

Alec’s gaze flicked down to Magnus’s lips that turned up the slightest bit. Then they were kissing again, and it was different than the last two times and exactly the same and all too much for Alec. He was already lightheaded and now he felt like he might very well pass out any minute, and it would be worth it.

Nothing else mattered as Magnus kissed him back, lips warm and impossibly soft against Alec’s, almost a tease. Alec took another half step forward, deepening the kiss before Magnus broke away again.

The warlock was breathing hard, staring at Alec with a new vulnerability in his gaze. A smile teased the corner of his lips and Alec was already returning it, somewhat hesitantly. Everything was so new, and Alec hadn’t even realized yet how much was changing.

Magnus licked his lips, staring at Alec’s. When he talked, his voice was breathy. "I swear Alexander, if you are messing with me..."

Alec was shaking his head before Magnus trailed off. Hesitantly, he set his hands on the warlock’s hips, watching Magnus fight off a small smile. "I'm not. This is real. You were right. I feel it."

Magnus grinned then. They were about to kiss again, even if Alec could barely hold himself up, he wasn’t about to tell Magnus that and ruin this perfect moment.

When the door opened, Alec surprised Magnus by not jumping back, trying to hide what they were doing. Still, Alec’s face went paler than ever as Lydia walked in. She wasn’t wearing her wedding dress anymore and remotely Alec realized it was probably covered in forsaken blood. She paused just inside the door, her hair combed back perfectly, eyebrows arched. It took Alec a moment to realize she didn’t seem shocked or hurt at all.

Lydia let them stew for a minute, fighting off a grin to remain her impassive expression. Once they were starting to shift awkwardly, Lydia started clapping slowly. She smiled at Alec who was panicking by that point. "Finally,” Lydia grinned.

Alec pulled away from Magnus then, opening his mouth to explain but Lydia spoke first. "Relax Alec. Magnus is very...magical. After all."

Magnus laughed at her pointed look, throwing his head back and distracting Alec who watched the warlock’s throat moving as he laughed.

By the time Alec had blinked, tearing his gaze away from Magnus, Lydia had opened the door and was on her way out.

“Lydia,” Alec called.

She stopped, looking back over her shoulder. “I understand, Alec. It’s okay. Everyone deserves real love, at least a chance at it.”

The door shut behind her and Magnus gave Alec a chance to think, stepping a little further away from him. But Alec didn’t need to think anymore, he’d been doing way too much of it recently. He followed Magnus’s retreat, willpower the only thing stopping him from falling as his whole body was weak for a few reasons now.

Magnus watched silently, looking up at the shadowhunter. Magnus knew they needed to talk, Alec probably wasn’t thinking straight. But then again, neither was Magnus, once Alec had pressed his mouth back over his.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, there you have it. I got stuck on this idea after seeing the sneak peek and it blossomed from there. I hope you enjoyed it and let us all hope the fandom doesn't spontaneously combust when episode 12 finally airs!
> 
> I officially have [ a Tumblr](http://imawriteriwrite.tumblr.com/) ! So if anyone is so inclined please keep me company while we wait for our funerals next week. You can still send me all your Malec requests (I mostly do alternate universe set in the world of This World Inverted but I’m open to regular requests too), either here in the comments or send them to my Tumblr (I’m still figuring the Tumblr thing out as I’ve only ever used it to stalk fandom blogs before).
> 
> Thanks for reading, you lovely biscuits! =)


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